you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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