Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
