If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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