But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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