Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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