I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
