god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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