I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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