Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
