he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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