yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
