I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
