I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
