Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
