Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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