What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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