New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
