Come see our sink grown plant.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
