we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
