I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
