did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
