i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
