But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
