Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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