i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
