we're chasing vodka with high fives
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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