Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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