If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
