Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
