I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
