Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
