How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.