i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper