Texts From Last Night

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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.

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  (267): This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again. http://tfl.nu/qxgz
  Replies (4) Good night (1503) Bad night (2356)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo

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  (586): Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo http://tfl.nu/x92b
  Replies (2) Good night (1421) Bad night (657)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.

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  (902): Her vagina smelled like hockey gear. http://tfl.nu/kiqt
  Replies (39) Good night (638) Bad night (6969)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.

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  (616): Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted. http://tfl.nu/14wd
  Replies (17) Good night (638) Bad night (3893)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.

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  (956): And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice. http://tfl.nu/wqun
  Replies (43) Good night (847) Bad night (3397)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate

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  (812): Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate http://tfl.nu/9bko
  Replies (23) Good night (977) Bad night (4144)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...

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  (715): i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend... http://tfl.nu/erib
  Replies (3) Good night (3402) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.

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  (312): If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops. http://tfl.nu/hm3g
  Replies (1) Good night (1012) Bad night (2429)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.

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  (802): Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets. http://tfl.nu/f9nv
  Replies (6) Good night (1250) Bad night (2516)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.

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  (612): she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device. http://tfl.nu/3o4n
  Replies (14) Good night (2077) Bad night (709)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!

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  (218): WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!! http://tfl.nu/3vs3
  Replies (6) Good night (688) Bad night (428)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?

  (224): View more from Illinois

  50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.

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  (262): You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend? (224): 50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward. http://tfl.nu/qmja
  Replies (2) Good night (935) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.

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  (301): Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply. http://tfl.nu/tohw
  Replies (0) Good night (620) Bad night (227)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.

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  (979): I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing. http://tfl.nu/72or
  Replies (0) Good night (396) Bad night (219)
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  (818): View more from California

  I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.

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  (818): I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night. http://tfl.nu/z1vu
  Replies (1) Good night (726) Bad night (154)

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