I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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