At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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