Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
