sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
