She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
