You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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