This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I have post one night stand depression
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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