check it out our google latitudes are spooning
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
