Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
