Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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