I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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