Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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