DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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