where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
