She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
