I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
