im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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