he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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