The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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