What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
