I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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