He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
