too bad you live with your parents still
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
