just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
my liver is dry heaving
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
