I wish my penis had an off switch
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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