You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize