Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize