Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
