What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
love makes seman taste better
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
