I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
