She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
