mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My dick has a subreddit
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
