My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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