I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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