I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
