I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
