Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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