we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
