mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
