I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
