Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's blow job season.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize