just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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